Headstone? No. | Obit? Opt Out .
My sister-in-law, Sandi, passed away suddenly shortly after the New Year at age 60. Sad and tragic as this was, it was what happened after her passing that gave me a genealogical pause.
No Headstone
Sandi chose to be cremated and her ashes scattered in the Pacific Ocean…some in California and some in Hawaii (a favorite vacation spot). So there will be no headstone, no cemetery, no sexton records to mark her remains. There will be, however, a record with the Neptune Society, which takes care of the spreading of ashes for those interested in a “burial at sea.”
No doubt many people are cremated, and some portion have their ashes scattered. I’m sure it is a very personal, private choice. I must say, that’s not my choice. I like the idea of being somewhere that can be found, should anyone be looking. I like the idea of having a place loved ones can visit. And though I strongly believe my parents are in Heaven, I still like visiting their graves on occasion, placing flowers, and honoring their time here on Earth.
No Obit
Back to Sandi. Her husband, Bruce, made the decision to not have an obituary published for Sandi. Since she died suddenly, I’m sure they never discussed it, and the decision was left to him. As a genealogist, I took a double-take on this one. Again, I’m sure Bruce had his reasons, but I just can’t imagine not having an obituary.
To me it seems like a last opportunity to let the world know, “I was here.” “I mattered.” And should the next generation come looking for me, here’s what I want you to know.
I know I took great pains and pride in writing an obituary my mother would be proud of when she passed away last year. ( I was very careful to include every maiden name, too!)
Mom and Sandi led normal, humble lives, which never gave rise to any public awareness through mass media. There names were never in the paper, they were never on t.v. Their obituaries – or lack thereof – was the last opportunity, in my humble opinion, to say to the world, “I was here. Thanks for the great life.”
I’m sure everyone who knew and loved Sandi will treasure their memories of her in their hearts. I can only hope the next generation will hear of her through word of mouth, if not through her headstone or her obituary.
Happy Researching!